Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Begin at The Beginning

I’m writing this blog to keep track of my own my yogic/philosophic/ spiritual journey. I’m 24, perhaps that’s too young to find inner peace but I figure it’s a worth shot. I am currently taking Bikram yoga and studying “A Course in Miracles”. (http://www.acim.org/) Let me start out by giving a background of what I believe…or don’t believe.

I don’t believe in religion. In fact, I think that organized religion has caused more trouble than good. I believe that it is our biggest obstacle in the way of peace. Organized religion is inherently exclusive and requires most believers to blindly follow certain ambiguous “facts”. I am not an atheist though, in fact, I feel as though atheism is almost as silly as theism. I instead believe that anything is possible, yet I don’t believe things to be hard truths unless they are factual. I am currently reading “God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything” by Christopher Hitchens and I’m loving every second of it. So that’s really my spiritual basis. Nothing. Though I do strongly believe in energy (both scientifically..duh…and spiritually). ..where this ties into to spirituality we will have to see.

So why do this? This may sound contradictory but I’ve always felt like a spiritual person, I’ve just hated the way it’s been presented to me. I love the physical workout of yoga and I think that the spirituality of it has been sinking in a bit. I also really love the idea of being present. I’m an actor and this ties in so specifically with acting that it seems beneficial to study it just for that reason.

Now as a vehemently anti-religious person I find myself resisting what A Course in Miracles has to say. It’s just too tied into Catholicism for me. I can find kernels of wisdom and truth in what is being said but ultimately the absolute truth of what you are required to believe is a bit too much for me. I cannot be convinced the world is not real because it is all I know. If someone dies, it hurts, if I’m cut, I bleed. All of this is very real and I can’t be convinced otherwise. I believe that anything is possible, but I don’t believe things to be hard and fast truths when I can’t see and feel them as such. I don’t think this is a particularly unenlightened way of thinking. We should question everything, right?

My spirituality comes from the fact that nothing can be determined, the possibilities for our energies are endless and we can only begin to imagine the threshold of such things. I find it very hard to believe that someone has all the answers and ACM seems to purport itself to be this way. I have to give it props for being very open. It really is a book that people of all religions can find truth in, yet it’s too rigid for me. Granted, I’ve only just begun reading it and these are my initial thoughts. I’m taking a “Crash Course n Miracles” by Philip Urso. You can download it on iTunes is you’re interested. Or check out the website (http://removebarriers.libsyn.com/ )

There are parts of ACM that I can relate to. ACM says that we create a sort of cloud around ourselves; we build up walls that keep us from really seeing God and the Holy Spirit. The cloud represents things like self-doubt, greed, things that keep us from truly seeing, feeling and giving love. I can buy into this. As humans we do anything we can to keep from being vulnerable. As ACM says we set up a story of ourselves and the ego will fight to the death to protect our self-image. Whether we see ourselves as the hero or as the loser, we have a story of self that exists only in our reality. I can buy this as well. In arguments we constantly have to see ourselves as the victim, even forgiveness is tainted because we see ourselves as being “the bigger person”. We forgive because we are better or ‘more enlightened” than the person who harmed us. ACM tells us that we have to do our best to get away from this story of self. It asks us to live in the moment. If you’re present then there’s no past or future so there’s no need for a story of self. We only live in this moment. If this is the way I’m heading I have a feeling this is going to be a long journey. I am inherently an anxious person, so this is going to be the hardest part for me. Philip tells us to quiet our mind, to focus only on breath. WAY easier said than done.

Well that’s enough for now. There’s a sort of basic idea of where I’m coming from. I think it’s pretty clear that I have no clue where I’m going.

And now just for fun, yoga pose of the day!
Bakasana or Crow Pose

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